I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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