remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
