was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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