They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
