I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
