You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
