I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
