Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
