Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
