he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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