Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
