Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
