Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
