Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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