meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
