I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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