In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
