if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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