I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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