Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
