goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
