i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.