I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...