I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.