She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Two words: blizzard sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
