She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..