mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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