I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
