your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
