Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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