I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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