It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?