i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.