I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
