No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.