there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"