this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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