So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.