The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
