the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
