How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
