So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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