Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
