p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
