I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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