I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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