Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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