You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
