No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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