the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
