so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
