i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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