It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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