I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
