Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
