I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
