Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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