dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
