i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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