how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
