so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
