My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
