Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
