Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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