Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
