smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you still have your period?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
