his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
