True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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