Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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