After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
