I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
