So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
