well I can't set my house on fire every night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
