No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
