she looked like the before picture.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
that is very illegal...i love you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
