p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
