I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
