Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
