Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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