We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
