Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
